Creative Writing


Written 10-12-09, Boulder CO.

Inspired by music. Listening to one of my absolute favorite movie soundtracks of all time: “Once”, by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

Work in progress

It was like the smell of green.

Supurb and sublime and unattainable.

The darkness smells like a candle burning toward the bottom of its wick. Wax melting down in a haunting slowness.

Zoom out

Wide angle

1820s piano sounds and the candle is carried by ghosts through a hallway that leads through generations, eras, and centuries.

The wild Irish countryside that smells like mystery and romance and woodsmoke.

The sounds – simple notes put to a complicated pattern that then passes with raw, real talent and passion through vocal chords

They rest and smile and laugh like a perfect snowy sunny day. The snow slowly reacts to the sun – drip, drip, drip.

Ephemeral perfection that dreams hopelessly of reality.

A cracked window and a medium close up. Gazing across the landscape.

This experience is feeling beautiful. And I don’t even have makeup on.

It’s alive with art and youth and unashamed joy.

Seagulls and sand

Blue and the deepest warmth.

These sights fill my body and an unbelievable, calm happiness catches in my chest.

Simultaneous wonder, worry about my inability to share this enchantment with anyone.


Like a still lake at dawn – a single breeze moves over the mirror surfaced of the water. Ripples fold over each other like silk before settling again.

Like a childhood memory – yearning to understand.

Long shadows create an ancientness. The pine trees are like dreamcatchers. Sun rays jump off pinecones and my hands on the cabin deck rail gently slide feeling the roughness of the wood, my fingers lightly brushing to avoid splinters.

Creative Writing

I begin again

What a ghostly whisper of feeling
That passes through as a slight sinewy shade

A sound that causes an action
Like the fluttering of a bird responding to the creak of a tree

Regal, silent, strong, protective

This sense that is perfectly comprehensible yet in the same instantaneous moment so terribly mysterious

I believe it is my destiny to always feel connected through mis-connection

What is supposed to happen simply does not exist

My touch in flux

Seeking to uncover the disturbance and embrace it



The Story of Me & Star Trek – Part 2

The Story of Me and Star Trek: Continued

How Science Fiction Changed My Life

I didn’t have much exposure to science fiction in my early years. Movies, art, literature, and music were always lively dinner table topics, but not of the sci fi variety. The wide wide world of what is today mainstream media (comic based, and nerd culture), were not even a blip on my radar.

So my experience with science fiction was incredibly minimal when I first saw Star Wars, at the age of 11 or so. And I think that could be partly why the story and characters of Star Wars struck me in such a deep way. Well that and I developed a MAJOR crush on Harrison Ford. #BecauseDuh

I had Star Wars folders in Middle School. When I began High School I wanted to use them again, but my mom insisted that I find something more mature. Psh.

Fast forward to freshman year of High School, first period Algebra. I happened to sit next to the girl who is now, 13 years later, still my best friend. We started talking because she had the same Star Wars folders that I’d had.

Just like that Star Wars changed my life.

You see, I’ve always felt a bit out of synch. Never sure exactly where I fit.

As I began to discover science fiction and comics, an entirely new world of acceptance opened up to me.

While our first point of bonding was Star Wars, I don’t think it’s accidental that we became extremely fast friends through a mutual love of the original X-Men movies. Well, I say mutual…more like I had never heard of X-men before and she introduced me to them.

But through it all, I kept avoiding Star Trek. In such a way that I wasn’t sure I could fully embrace nerdom; or be embraced by it. Over the years of course I developed an understanding of the world of Star Trek and the major players therein, but I had a mental block about watching it.

Anecdote Break!

One time I was on a date with a guy who was really into Star Trek. We shared many interests, but when the subject came up my response was something along the lines of “my knowledge of Star Trek is…there’s a spaceship…and” I couldn’t even get another word out. He was distraught.

Flash Forward – College

While I was in college, I finally saw my first Star Trek movie. Suddenly it made sense as an iconic cultural phenomenon. Besides that, I absolutely loved the characters and the story!

It was seeing the Star Trek movies of the 2000’s that have finally convinced me to face my fears. And to watch all the Star Trek series for the first time in my life. Which brings us to Star Trek Sunday!

As of today, I have completed Star Trek: Voyager, and we are on to Next Generation. Check out my reaction to the first season!


There will be more updates to come!

~ Keep Exploring, Historians


Committing to non-excellence

This weekend I finally hung some pictures that have been lying on my closet floor for months. I had been avoiding the process because I wanted their placement to be perfect. I had wanted it to be exactly right.

After all, I spent money on these pictures, got them framed, and cared about how they looked on the wall. I’m also slowly adjusting to the role of “homeowner” and wanting to be adult about how my furniture and wall hangings look.

(Never mind that the pictures are stylized versions of Rogue from X-men and Amy Pond from Doctor Who, purchased at SF Comicon)…

But my point is, as I finally pounded some nails into the wall and placed the pictures, I felt myself being drawn out of the perfectionist stupor. And it was such a freeing feeling. I don’t get that feeling very often due to intense perfectionism, intertwined with fear and anxiety.

I never thought of myself as a perfectionist. I never considered that my intense approach to writing, to projects, and to lifestyle was not romantic brooding; it was just basic annoying perfectionism.

The fact that I’m a perfectionist was pointed out to me in my mid twenties, at my first office job.

I was expressing frustration at some edits I’d received on a newsletter to go out that week. My boss was trying to console me, gently explaining that this kind of feedback is natural and should be expected.

“You’re a perfectionist – so naturally it’s more difficult”. She said this so matter of factly and as though it was the most obvious fact in the world.

“I’m not a perfectionist!” I responded, honestly surprised and interested that she would think so.

“Oh, you most definitely are” she responded. Not in a mean way, but in an amused older person way, with kindness, and almost sympathy, knowing that I would now have to adjust to this new reality about myself, that apparently everyone knew except me.

I’d always prided myself on being self aware. The fact that this had completely escaped my notice was profoundly upsetting.

And also upsetting because I had never found perfectionist tendencies to be an attractive quality in other people.

Working with perfectionism is a constant struggle. So often I have found myself with endless drafts of work that I haven’t published because they could still use a tweak here or there. When I go back to read them after some space has been allowed, a few weeks, months, even years – I get immensely irritated because, as a perfectionist, the works are actually pretty damn good. I could have easily published them in their present state.

But my mind insisted on convincing me they weren’t good enough.

I spoke with a career / life coach recently about this very thing, and about the very blog you’re reading right now. She asked me “why is hitting publish so difficult”?

“Because then it’s out there. I’ve said to the universe, and to anybody reading, this is a finished product. I’m making the statement – this is my best work.

And what if there’s a typo, or what if in a week or two I find a better picture, or come up with a much better concluding paragraph?”

“But that’s the beauty of online writing – you can just go in and edit it!”


Why had that never occurred to me?!

Of course, that was almost exactly a month ago. And here we are, I haven’t published anything after she and I agreed that I needed to be way less fear stricken about it. I have done a lot of thinking, as us introverts are wont to do, and the conclusions are the same as they’ve been my whole life. Just fucking do it and stop being a scaredy cat. But also don’t be too hard on yourself. But also, find some fucking balance. 😛

So. Without further adieu:

I pledge to commit myself to non-excellence.

The shift in thinking won’t happen overnight. But I am starting to believe in the power of intention setting, so this is my beginning.

I am attempting to shift the fundamental thought process that has hindered the growth of this blog, and affected other part of of my life, and caused me stress and disappointment in myself.

Join the journey – and comments welcome! Have you or someone you know struggled with intense and hindering perfectionism? What are some things you do to push through?

Keep Exploring, Historians ♡



The Story of Me & Star Trek – Part 1

As some of you may know, I’m currently filming a YouTube series (possibly soon to become a Podcast!) with my friend Dr. Erin Macdonald, about watching Star Trek for the very first time.


I wanted to expand a bit on why this means so much to me.

I mean, why not just watch Star Trek for the first time quietly on my couch? Why broadcast it to the world?

It’s NOT just because I am of the generation that shares everything.

It’s something that goes much deeper, and that story is what I’d like to share today.

I think I was in Middle School when I first saw Star Wars (not a typo – read on), maybe earlier. I received a box set of three VHS tapes – the full trilogy.


It was a Christmas present, and because my parents were neeeever sci-fi people, even to this day, I’m sure this was the sort of thing where they thought “well, it’s a cultural icon, yeah, the kids should see Star Wars, even though I don’t really know why…”

Little did they know how much I would take to it.

And in case you’re wondering where Star Trek figures into the story – well, give it a minute…there’s a lot to unpack here.

A few years prior to seeing Star Wars, I had the unfortunate experience of being in the wrong place at the wrong time – if that phrase can even be applied to seeing a tv show 🤔

As a young kid I HATED anything scary. To the extent that the preview for “Hocus Pocus” gave me nightmares, and I hid under a table when the movie happened to be shown at a slumber party.

And claymation gave me the willies so I never watched “The Nightmare Before Christmas” until I was 27. Also because “nightmare” was in the title I figured I should just avoid it anyway. (Watch: what I thought after seeing it for the first time!)


(Side note: claymation actually still freaks me out. If anyone wants to try and make me watch Wallace and Gromit…don’t).

I was about 8 years old when I watched my first Star Trek episode – and my last Star Trek episode until my early 30s.

I can still feel the sheer terror of seeing the events of that episode unfold. I couldn’t comprehend how or why anyone in their right mind would want to watch this show. I swore I’d never ever watch Star Trek ever again.

Preparing to watch Star Wars, a few years after the fateful Star Trek incident, armed with stuffed animals and blankets because I thought it was the same thing – I was fully ready to have this just be another movie.

Boy was I unprepared for the effect Star Wars would have on my life.

Part 2 – coming soon! : How Star Wars Changed My Life, and what the heck this all has to do with Star Trek

~ Keep Exploring, Historians ♡



March 2018 Disneybound Challenge, Day 3 – “Fab 5”

Ok, I can’t be the only one who didn’t ‘t realize that Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald, and Pluto are known as the “Fab 5” right? And I consider myself a die-hard Disney fan.

Anyway, moving on…

As I say in the caption, I never really felt much of a connection with these characters and I’m not sure why. Maybe they seem so ubiquitous that I can’t really find a personality or core to connect with.

That said, while I was studying film in college, I got really into animation. And I mean REALLY into it. Disney and non Disney, but the roots of my excitement for the art form and it’s history are in Disney.

I watched Disney documentaries non stop, and devoured all the old films, particularly the shorts.

The sheer innovation of the early days of Disney is astounding. The way the Disney studio tested the limits of animation, constantly striving to improve, see what else was possible with the art form has always inspired me.

“Steamboat Willie” (1928) stands out a mile above the rest for it’s place in animation history – adding synchronized sound to film, just one year after “The Jazz Singer”. Nothing beats watching an inky black and white Mickey steer the boat whistling his heart out, or the perfectly synchronized kitchen scene, banging out a beat on the pots.

My Score: 9/10 – top marks for anchor detail on the shirt, deducted point for not making even one take black and white (face palm).

Instagram score: 31 likes


March 2018 Disneybound Challenge, Day 2 – Disney Sidekicks

Boy they really threw some of the best themes at us right at the beginning! This post could have been so much better I think toward the end of the month after I’d gotten the hang of Instagram Disneybounding. That said, I think it’s the Disneybound post with the most comments so what do I know 😉 .

Lady and the Tramp has always been one of my favorite old Disney films. It’s so beautifully drawn, and the music is just lovely. And the dinner scene is only a liiiitle bit racist, which is kind of saying a lot when it comes to Disney’s early works.

What else are you supposed to do when you have a “newsies” hat (which actually belonged to my Grandfather) and an argyle scarf?

My score: 6/10 – points for lipstick. points deducted for effort…

Instagram score: 54 likes!


March 2018 Disneybound Challenge, Day 1 – Big Hero 6

Day 1 theme for the March 2018 Disneybound Challenge was Big Hero 6 (2014). I’ll admit while I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, it didn’t quite stick with me the way so many others have. I also saw it on a plane, so that could have something to do with it.

This was also the first “official” Disneybound I’d ever done, other than Alice in Wonderland at Fall Dapper Day 2017. So safe to say still getting my feet wet, and well, it’s pretty sucky.

Personal Score: 1/10

Instagram Score: 45 likes…really guys, what were you thinking?



The Anglophile Chronicles – Part 1, Introduction

Hello Explores! Pip Pip! ‘Ello art lovers!*

*Who can guess today’s obscure film reference?

Today I am excited to announce a new series on Exploring Historian: The Anglophile Chronicles.

This is in preparation for a 3 week solo jaunt I have planned through the UK this coming September. (But also it’s because I’m obsessed with all things English, Irish, Welsh, and Scottish…)

My goal is to write 1 post a month. Detailing all things I love about the UK; historical sites I’m excited to see; and my personal journey to hunt down my ancestral roots in Scotland and Ireland.

I’m so excited to bring you along on my exploration!

~Keep Exploring, Historians


Where Zen Lives – Japan and Religion

I’ve never been a religious person.

I’ve always considered myself a spiritual person, but to me that’s a very important distinction.

Visiting Japan last year, I came more closely in touch with religion than I have ever before – from a positive point of view rather than a critical one. Internally I felt a shift as I absorbed the peace and calm of zen buddhism, which permeates the Japanese religious culture.

Before I go further, I must explain what our guide continued to reiterate over our seven days exploring Japan:

“Japanese people love religion” he’d say. “But we don’t ‘practice’ in a traditional sense. We are welcome and open to many expressions of religion. In Buddhist temples you see Shinto shrines, and in Shinto shrines you see Buddhist influences.”

“When we visit other countries,” he’d continue, “We visit religious institutions of that culture. It doesn’t matter where religion happens or how.”

I understood and appreciated all this from a philosophical and cultural perspective but still didn’t feel connected on a personal level.

Until we took a walk through one of Japan’s oldest Zen temples, Daisen-in, in Kyoto.

This traditional rock garden is set up to bring one through all the different stages of life. The gardens are designed to represent birth, life, and death, and as you walk through it becomes clear how cyclical life is and how many common experiences we all share.

What works for me about Zen practice is that it’s based on simple, pure, non idol or restriction-based ideals. The entire religion is based on finding inner peace without strict rules on the “right” kind of peace or the “right” way to find it. It appreciates the individuals path.

It’s about living in the moment. Appreciating the exact time, place, and feel of right now.

“We cannot change passing time. So all we can do is accept.”

– Kozo Yamamoto, G Adventures Guide – Japan

As a chronic over thinker, this is not something I excel at. I try to be spontaneous and carefree, but often anxiety or fear gets in the way. It’s inconvenient, annoying, and frustrating.

Upon returning home to San Francisco, I took myself to City Lights Bookstore in hopes of stoking my interest with some focused and explanatory reading material about Zen practice. Currently I’m reading “Turning the Mind into an Ally” by Sakyong Mipham. Stay tuned for my thoughts in a future post!

~ Keep Exploring, Historians